Pitch & Bitch

glenda_2Hello and welcome to the first (if Cap’n Wilson allows them) of the GCC Wags Blogs.
Forget googlies and yorkers and boring things like runs and overs, the real action is all about what happens off the pitch. Although you do all look rather sweet in your white trousers, so do carry on, boys.
This week’s top scandal – GCC’s equivalent, if you like, of Wayne Rooney cheating on Colleen – was the frankly OUTRAGEOUS omission of Mrs Tony Kennedy’s contributions to the tea.
Sue Bailey, emeritus professor of cake-making, claimed it was all an honest mistake but we suspect darker forces at work.  A full steward’s investigation has been launched and Midsomer Murders scriptwriters have been informed of a possible storyline. Sources close to the Kennedys say they will be consulting lawyers, once Mr T has stopped grieving their loss. Watch this space for updates.

So, on to the inaugaural match awards. These will be given on a weekly basis.  Full disclosure: all bribes* are enthusiastically accepted and indeed encouraged. Cash and white wine are the accepted currency.

An easy winner. Mark took inspiration from Liz Hurley (Shane Warne WAG) and showcased a beautiful expanse of tanned ankle beneath a virginal white chino (please note that we fashion-conscious WAGS  refer to all socks/trousers/legs in the singular). Teamed with a crisply-ironed blue Paisley shirt, he rocked our world and, presumably, Dawn’s…WAGs, please note, the sartorial bar for this week has been set high.

Amid a sea of shop-bought cakes, one home-made stunner stood out – a Victoria sponge so wondrously fluffy, so beautifully yellow, so towering and, well, spong-ey that it would have sent Mary Berry into paroxysms of delight. Tea-time interrogations brought forward one Burkitt, F, who claimed the cake as his own. Yep, the men are not only cleaning up on the field but also in the Wag awards this week. However, a little more digging and Mr Burkitt confessed that this confection was more of a team effort, his precise words being: “I started it but I had to go out, so my daughter finished it. I whipped the cream, though.” Yeah, right, cos it’s all in the cream, Franny. So this award goes to father and daughter. More of the same this week please, Miss Burkitt.

Wag-blog has to admit, it had completely forgotten about watching the match, so had to consult its husband about who did well. This may have had something to do with a rather lovely Pinot Grigio being enthusiastically quaffed during play, coupled with a somewhat vague understanding of the game.

Both consumption and understanding will hopefully increase over the course of the season.

So this week’s gong goes to Sam Ludford, who (according to Mr Wag) did really rather well and took lots of wickets, despite almost being taken off after the first over. Well done Ludford. Your prize is a year’s free beer, generously donated by John Roos at the Blue Ball. Um, when we say “generously donated” we actually mean “in your dreams” but we’d love to see you suggest it to him.

*Grantchester Cricket Club’s Wag Blog is exempt from Police Operations Elveden, Weeting and anything else, by order or His Lord Chief Justice Archer.

Maxine Frith
(The female equivalent of Jeffrey Bernard)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.