WAGs’ blog 2014 No 1

Hello Schweeties! Due to HUGE popular demand (well, Mrs Wag beating Cap’n Steve Wilson with a stale Waitrose baguette until he agreed she could do it again) the Wags blog is back!

The winter months are hard for us Wags.

Too cold to drink vast vats of Rose, we hibernate and live on Shiraz as we practice our dulcet, tinkling laughs (or “bloody noisy cackling” as Headmaster Ben Travers once referred to it) for the new season.

But here we are, fresh and ready for GCC’s up and coming games.

Last week’s match coincided with the safe return of Mr Mark Hughes from his travels in Vietnam.

Mr H clearly went native over there as he was boasting a classic Vietnamese conical hat and pictures of someone who could possibly, he tells us, be the future Mrs H.

(Past future Mrs H’s are now so numerous that they have formed their own support group but are having trouble hiring a venue big enough to fill them all – Wembley stadium was judged a bit too small.)

Proof of his commitment to the latest future Mrs H was his new phone App that translates phrases from English to Vietnamese.

So in the spirit of welcoming a new Wag, we’ve used Google translate to learn a few choice sentences when meeting her:

“Chung toi da chay ra khoi Chadonnay!” (we’ve run out of Chardonnay!)

“Phia ben kia co mot so cau thu rat dep” (the other side have some very good-looking players”)

“Bao niheu wickets da Tony Kennedy thuc hien va chnung toi se bao gio nghe ket thuc cua no” (How many wickets has Tony Kennedy taken and will we ever hear the end of it?)

Lady Cap’n Wilson, Mrs Wag and Prof Sue Bailey ensured their wine consumption kept up with the over rate while Headmaster Travers oversaw matters from his chair, with his colonial headgear firmly in place.

St Giles being short a few players, Mr Wag was nominated to bat for the other side (no further comment made).

Speaking of batting for the other side, gossip of the day came as the Wags and Mr H admired Mr Nigel Heath’s umpiring (or rather, his legs, clad in summery shorts).

“Heath really is VERY good-looking, isn’t he?” said Mark. Be afraid, Heathy, be very afraid. He’ll have you in (and out of) a mankini before you can say “down, boy!”.

BEST DRESSED: Who else could it be but Mr Mark Hughes? The hat, the shirt, the Lidl Champagne he dished out, all added up to a look that combined the quintessential style of an English country gentleman at play with a touch of the exotic Far East.

Word is that a Vietnamese silk suit could be making an appearance in the near future. What can we say but “Chung toi yeu ban, Pikey!” * xx

*Look it up on Google translate.

BEST CAKE: The new threat of fines for those not bringing baked goods (a cake tax, if you like) meant that there was an impressive show of sandwiches and sweet things for the first tea of the season.

Upping the ante in the savoury stakes, Mrs Wag even went to the lengths of baking her own bread rolls.

Next week she plans to mill her own flour and by the end of the season she’ll be harvesting her own wheat.

The absence of Burkitt Junior in the team, and therefore one of Mr B’s creations, was a blow but Mrs Tony Kennedy more than rose to the occasion with a stunning marmalade cake that won plaudits from all and was adjudged cake of the week.

Mrs K, your prize is to spend a day learning the art of pub management with Mr John Roos.

You will be schooled in the practice of looking disdainfully at anyone asking for lager or a soft drink; there will be a masterclass in snorting at requests for food and a practical lesson in dealing with noisy children. Enjoy!

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